Daddy’s Little Girl

I don’t even know what to say or how to say this.  Just a warning: I did a brain dump.  I typed exactly how it was coming out from my head.  I didn’t re-read this post, nor edit anything.

On Saturday June 22nd I got a phone call that my father in the hospital.  This wasn’t his first time being taken to the hospital so I didn’t worry too much.  I was just a little annoyed that my dad’s not doing well again, which means he’s not taking care of himself, not taking the medicine he was supposed to take.  I just said to call me back when they see a doctor and I’ll go see him tomorrow.  An hour later I get a phone call again.  On the way to the hospital he went into cardiac arrest twice and he’s unconscious.  That was the phone call that changed everything for me.

Since it was the weekend, the doctors weren’t quite as quick to check my father out.  I spoke to a neurologist on Sunday afternoon, in which he told me my father lost a lot of oxygen and there isn’t any brain function.  Immediately I knew what that meant.  No brain function means he’s brain dead.  The machines are keeping him alive.  The only reason his heart was still beating on its own is because the ventilator is breathing for him and bringing oxygen to his heart.  I called my mom in Florida and she got on the first available flight here the next morning.

All the tests showed exactly what the doctor said – he’s brain dead, it’s time to unplug him from the machines.  At that point we were waiting for my older brother to fly in, which was Tuesday night.

He was taken off the machines late Tuesday night.  My brother was able to have some time with him.  My mother and I didn’t leave my father’s side since Sunday afternoon.  Never have I been through that – and never do I want to do it again.

The days after was spent cleaning out his apartment and setting up the funeral arrangements.  Last week was the longest week I’ve ever lived.  I lost track of the days, I felt like I was trapped in a bubble, away from reality.

Was my dad the greatest dad?  No.  He was very stubborn and selfish at times.  But he did love my brothers and I.  He was proud of the adults we have become.  I’m upset that he didn’t take care of himself like he should have.  I’m upset that he told everyone he was fine when he really wasn’t, just so people would stop asking him questions.  But I am also beyond grateful that he had the strength to walk me down the aisle when I got married.  And I also thank him for not being the best dad – because that taught me to be independent.  I learned how to take care of myself and how to be self-sufficient.

I am who I am largely because of my dad.  And I love him for it.

I will be taking this week and next week off.  Hubs and I are going away for some much needed R&R this weekend.  I’ve got some great things to show you.  You will just have to sit tight til I can come back.


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